here she is

“‘A well-motivated, enthusiastic person possessing a range of technical, artistic and interpersonal skills with a consistent eye for detail. A good team player with the ability to work largely unsupervised and able to prioritise workload adapting to a fast changing working environment.’”

tell me what you think

so here we go. its going down in writing, so i can never go back and convince myself other wise.

i love working, i know that sounds like bull s**t, but its true, when i start doing work, be it design or a written piece, i love doing it, i enjoy creating and making something as good as i can get it,. but its the starting i find difficult. For some rather backward reason i know this, But still i let the feeling of “its fine, I’ll start it later” take over, allow me to procrastinate and never start early on a particular piece of work,.. this then leads to me becoming nervous about having not started it, and from that feeling i then procrastinate even further, until i reach a point usually within 1-2 weeks until the deadline where the time has come that i HAVE to do something, other wise i shall fail.. and i don’t like failing!! so what do i do,. pull my finger out and get on with it!! however this usually consists of numerous days of pressure, uncomfortable feelings of failure, late nights, no sleep, pretty much the complete opposite to how i like to live my life. For those of you that know me I am a relaxed, easy going kind of fellow, and id love it if thats how i could work. Unfortunately i don’t. i put myself through hell for however many days, rushing to get the work i wish i’d started weeks ago done. And iam over it, so i sat down recently and tried to get to the bottom of it.. now knowing how i work, i started to explore the feelings i go through when i work; beginning, middle, and end, how they make me feel and how the work can change from one stage to the next. This the part where i found out i love working, i enjoy making things that look good and i can be proud of, so why do every time i always find myself having to do it under pressure and at the last minute; calling myself and idiot, stupid, dumb, for leaving it so late and putting myself through hell again.? well i found out. i finally got to the bottom of it after all these years;

Every child is born innocent, i certainly know that my first words as a child were definitely not; ‘your an idiot, your stupid’, so when did i get so comfortable calling myself these things? it came from my relationship with my parents. And in particular the some what challenging relationship i had with my father when growing up. Now like i said earlier, i like to take things easy, with plenty of time, i always have and always will, but this could also get me into some bother as far as my work was concerned. So i used to put stuff off, until my dad would make me do it, he would not let me fail, so he would make me do it. there and then, right now! now this obvoisly this wasn’t the most comfortable experience for him, and he used to get annoyed with me, and proceed to tell me what an idiot i had been in leaving it so late, and that i was stupid doing so. Now because i got into this routine, my body has remembered it so much that this is the only way i can work. i have to wait until the last minute to start something, before it is to late, then when i finally do start, what to i say to myself>?? your such and idiot. your so stupid. And i know iam not, other wise i would be here studying at the best university in the country for what i want to do.

So there we go, i now understand why i procrastinate so much, what those feelings mean, and where they will lead me if i allow them to. So the change has already begun, and as for the next project, instead of following the routine i have been following for almost 15years now, I am determined to change, to enjoy the work i love doing so much.

thanks for listening.

anton.

24hr project on branding,..

i hope that link works.

So, since that lesson i’ve been developing ideas for images in my visual diary,.. and out off all the inspiration and ideas ive put together,.. the theme for my images has really emerged….

and that is how we as humans use technology within nature for enjoyment.

since then I’ve spent a lot of time putting the images together in my visual diary.

after that i put alot of time into building my website as i thought that this was likely to give me to most problems, so i started early, and thats now finished and ready for the addition of my images.

Mick made a really valid point which i felt summed up the way i went wrong….>> and that is that because photoshop is such a vast program with endless possibilities it becomes very easy to get lost within the program, which then starts to control you or your image, rather than  you using it as a tool to produce the image you want… and i suppose it all comes down to planning. Of which i did none, and that’s why my image fell flat on its face compared to some of the others shown. Although I am glad I described my image to the rest of the group as it showed me where i went wrong and what i have to problems i have to address. I really enjoyed looking at other peoples work. it gave me a massive insight into other ways of thinking and different ideas when it comes to designing in photoshop. Overall a very interesting exercise. Right, time to go bosh out some ideas in my journal.

I’m really excited about the brief,.. nature and technology. there are so many different options when exploring this huge topic>> where can it go? what will my images represent? what do i want them to represent.? To start getting my head around my ideas I’ve been exploring the words NATURE and TECHNOLOGY in my visual diary… what they mean, represent, and how they are linked…

One of the first things that popped into my head when we where given this assignment was surfing.. I think about surfing a lot anyway, but i thought that it would be perfect as the underlying theme for my images,.. not surfing in particular,.. but how technology fits into nature. Nature is huge,.. some parts of nature can be controlled/managed such as grass or cattle whilst other parts are unfathomable in their power; tornadoes, volcanoes, waves…

Surfing in its simplest form is using mother nature for our own enjoyment. Somthing which has only been made possible thorough technology.

I was entering my second year of college and like other students up and down the country, I was being told about the prospect of university.. and that if we wanted to go to uni certain things had to be done. At this point in my life i was extremely passionate about media and could think of nothing else id rather make a career out of, (apart from surfing, but i was wise enough to know i wasn’t the next Kelly Slater!) saw no other option, so as instructed completed the ucas application scheme, and chose the best uni’s across the country for media… it just so happened that i knew a guy who had studied my course at college and had gone on to Bournemouth uni and was loving life… but he’s always loving life any way. that guy was Ben Perrie. So after applying and getting a offer for a deferred place here at Bournemouth i was ecstatic… so pleased. This feeling of accomplishment was shared with my family as I’m the oldest and apparently the first to embark on a degree.

From a very early age I’ve always wanted to travel, my mum was born in NZ and went to boarding school in south India,.. and after all her globetrotting only ended up in England 25 years ago,.. my dad born in England, also spent most of his life abroad, spending over 7 years in Tibet, India and Nepal. So right from the beginning i knew i wanted to get out of this tiny island and see what he rest of the world had to offer.. this is why i took a gap year. in fact its why i took 2. I worked my ass off for 4 months working 86 hour weeks and almost killing myself due to sheer lack of sleep… but then the glorious day came and I left for Thailand, not my first choice due to the lack of waves but my travelling brother was so keen, i just couldn’t say no. We had an amazing time, travelling to the south, then on to Cambodia, meeting new people, getting completely mash up with thousands of other backpackers and generally having fun… although this didn’t take long to wear thin as the illusion of going ”travelling” turned into doing the same as everybody else.. this was enough for me and i decided to leave for Indonesia,.. to get back to surfing, hopefully score some good waves, and getting the feel for travelling outside of my comfort zone and truly beeing on my own. It was during this time in Indonesia where allot changed for me.. i had time to reflect on everything id done.. all the decisions id made, and actions id taken,.. I suppose what im trying to say is that i became fully aware of my situation, which is often hard to do in day to day life as we’re all so consumed by ourselves, and our problems. It was During this time in Indonesia where education, carrers and personal possessions kind of all just disappeared for me,.. maybe not disappeared as such but just lost importance. All I wanted to do was travel the world, surf and meet new people. So that’s what i did.. at the time it seemed impossible. i had just returned from indo and was working to pay off my debts along with resolving issues with my ex girlfriend.. both were particularly taxing on my mind body and soul.. But it was crazy, it was one day in the factory just after my 15min break and it was around 7pm, the clocks had just gone back and i was feeling generally depressed about my current situation; working in a shit-house factory, getting a better conversation from a shoe box rather than my co workers, it was dark and cold at 5pm and i was nowhere near the ocean. But it was then, just like a cartoon sketch, a light bulb EXPLODED above my head.. i had it!! The solution to all my problems. Australia. I could go and work down under! I’d be by the ocean, with sick waves, in the sunshine, and away from any thoughts of my ex. That was it, i had to leave. asap.

To be completely honest with you i don’t know how it happened. It was the 1st of November when me and my best mate of 17 years decided we were going to leave. We had 3 weeks until the peak season started and prices for plane tickets doubled. Like i said i really think it was meant to be…. my dad told me that before i went away before that my god father had offered to pay for a round the world ticket for me… this absolutely blew me away.. i had no idea! but this was incredible as that meant that one obstacle was well out the way.. only only thing left I had to do was to raise £2,500 to meet basic working holiday visa requirements in Australia.. bring on eBay. with the tickets booked and less than 2 weeks 2 go i practically sold everything i owned to get me on that plane… with days to spare the money came through which i still can’t quite believe.. and we were on that plane. It was definitely meant to be.

I had the most incredible time in Australia, surfing everyday and working in a juice bar, i was pretty much in heaven (i love fruit by the way). I met a girl, half Swedish/ half Korean, she was amazing.. needless to say life was good. But towards the end of my trip i started again thinking of education and the prospect of coming to university.. this would often lead me to think negatively about the idea and i began convincing myself that it was definitely not the way to go. When i actually sat down and gave it some real thought, it all came down to commitment. I was scared of the commitment of 3 years in one place, scared of committing to education.. and that’s when i decided that i HAD to come. i could have easily blown it off, told my self, ” it’s fine you can carry on travelling, go to uni later”, but that’s bollocks, because it was always going to come down to the same thing. and unless i gave it a chance, the amazing opportunity, the place on the course i wanted so much back in college… would have gone to waste.. and haunted me forever.

So and the end of the day its about commitment. I’m committed to doing my best and getting the most out this course and everything this university has to offer.

and you know what,? My brain is loving it. i just can’t to get stuck in to this new assignment.

um-mm ye really sorry about the whole life story thing, just kinda happened.